Researchers from Poon University in Seoul have figured out why some of the plants in Korea's capital seem to grow much better than others, despite living in the same conditions and being given the same nutrients. It's all about the dirty talk, they report.
"There's something about swearing which motivates plants to grow better, it's like the coach screaming at Rocky Balboa - it just gets them going. We assume it's because some of the plants understand the negative vibes and the others photosympathize with them, accelerating their metabolism," lead researcher Dick Shrub declared for ZME Science.
Farmers working in two neighboring areas reported completely different yields for their farms, despite having similar conditions. The only difference is that one of the farm has a no-speaking policy on the field.
Initially, the researchers tried telling jokes to the plants, but nothing happened. Then they tried telling them puns and the plants actually grew smaller, which frustrated them, so they started swearing. Within hours, the differences were visible.
"It seems counterintuitive, but then again biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division. After trying numerous combinations, a mixture of "#!*£ you" and "twitwaffle" seemed to produce the best results. I was simply speachless, we all went bananas when we read the lab results," Dick Shrub added.
In a 1986 interview, England's Prince Charles discussed his gardening habits, commenting "I just come and talk to the plants, really. Very important to talk to them; they respond." Apparently he was right, though we don't know what the plants are saying back. Scientists are now trying to find a peer-reviewed journal willing to publish their research methods.
Students at several universities across the world are already trying to replicate the study in their homes, reportedly screaming in their bedrooms for hours despite having no plants to be seen.