In a world obsessed with self-improvement, the pursuit of happiness has become a multi-billion-dollar industry. From mindfulness apps to self-help books, the message is clear: happiness is within your grasp, if only you work hard enough to achieve it (#hustle).

This attitude sort of makes sense. After all, we typically achieve valuable things in life by striving for them. Why would happiness be any different? If you think that, you obviously haven’t heard about the happiness paradox.

The happiness paradox states that if you strive for happiness by direct means, you end up less happy than if you forget about happiness and focus on other goals.

New research from the University of Toronto Scarborough sheds light on this puzzling phenomenon. The study reveals that the relentless pursuit of happiness can be mentally exhausting, depleting the very resources we need to make choices that actually make us happy.

“The pursuit of happiness is a bit like a snowball effect,” says Sam Maglio, a professor of marketing at U of T Scarborough and co-author of the study. “You decide to try making yourself feel happier, but then that effort depletes your ability to do the kinds of things that make you happier.”

The Mental Cost of Chasing Happiness

Maglio likens the exhaustion of happiness-seeking to coming home after a grueling day at work. When we’re mentally drained, we’re more likely to skip the gym, order takeout instead of cooking, or binge-watch TV instead of spending time with loved ones. These small, self-defeating choices can add up, leaving us feeling less happy overall.

The researchers surveyed hundreds of people and found that those who habitually tried to be happier reported using less self-control in their daily lives. Maglio and his co-author, Aekyoung Kim of the University of Sydney, hypothesized that happiness-seeking and self-control compete for the same finite pool of mental energy. To test this, they designed a series of experiments.

In one study, participants were asked to rank lists of objects — a mundane task that nevertheless requires mental focus and self-regulation. The more people reported striving for happiness, the less time they spent on the task. Another experiment used ads with the word “happiness” to trigger a subconscious desire to feel happier. Participants who saw these ads were then given a bowl of chocolates and told they could eat as many as they liked. Those exposed to the “happiness prime” ate significantly more chocolates than their counterparts, suggesting they had less self-control to resist temptation.

But is happiness-seeking uniquely exhausting, or would chasing any goal have the same effect? To answer this, the researchers divided participants into two groups. The participants had to choose between pairs of everyday objects. One group was asked to make choices based on what would make them happier, while the other group chose based on personal preference. Both groups then completed a mental task to gauge their self-control. The happiness biased group quit earlier, indicating they had fewer mental resources left after their pursuit.

Rethinking Happiness

Maglio is quick to clarify that the pursuit of happiness isn’t inherently futile. The problem, he says, lies in how we think about happiness. Many people treat it like a commodity — something to be accumulated and hoarded. But happiness, he argues, is more like sand at the beach.

“You can cling to a fistful of sand and try to control it, but the harder you hold, the more your hand will cramp,” he says. “Eventually, you’ll have to let go.”

Instead of relentlessly chasing happiness, Maglio suggests a simpler approach: appreciate what you already have. “Just chill. Don’t try to be super happy all the time,” he says. “Instead of trying to get more stuff you want, look at what you already have and just accept it as something that gives you happiness.”

This research comes at a time when the pressure to be happy has never been greater. Social media feeds are filled with curated images of perfect lives. And the self-help industry continues to grow, promising quick fixes for supposed voids of satisfaction. Oftentimes, this industry offers solutions to problems you never knew you had until they rubbed it in your face. Yet, as this work shows, the very act of striving for happiness can leave us feeling emptier than before.

The findings also align with earlier research on the paradox of choice, which suggests that too many options can lead to decision fatigue and dissatisfaction. By framing happiness as something we must actively pursue, we may be setting ourselves up for failure.

So, what’s the alternative? Perhaps it’s time to embrace a more passive approach to happiness — one that allows joy to find us. After all, as the study reminds us, sometimes the best way to be happy is to stop trying so hard.

The findings appeared in the journal Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being.